How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
