Porn is love you can see.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
