I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
