why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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