Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
