everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
