I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
