It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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