She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
