You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just pynch a tree in the face
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
