if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
