Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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