More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
