If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
