I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
