i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
