started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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