the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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