You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
