my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
