Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
