doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
