: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Randomize
