Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
