My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
