You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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