The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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