Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
