Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
