is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
