Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
