Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
