the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
