I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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