No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
