btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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