In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
