i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
