It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
