Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
