My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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