My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
