Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize