I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
