I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
