Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
