he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
