Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize