I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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