just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
