i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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