I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
