yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
