Im at strip club and am horny
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
