I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
