I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
