I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
