All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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