And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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