She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
