yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
