The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
