I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
