I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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