This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize