im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
