Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
