You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have post one night stand depression
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